July 6, 2025
Dream Record: It's daytime. I am in a white house in area which appears to be a communal space. The furnishings are nice. The people in it are having a potluck. I'm feeling envious of their situation as I'm not living there but just casually visiting. I note that one family has a mobile tiny home that is overpriced.I am at the potluck and I'm refusing some foods because I'm on a cleanse, but I end up eating some of the chocolate mousse or pie and afterwards I am feeling guilty of ruining my cleanse and I feel like I've gained weight.
I go into a white bedroom dressed in some nice, black, contemporary clothes. I start posing in various sexual positions in front of the mirror, as if I'm about to take some pictures for my partner. I try out many different moves and slip off parts of my clothes to reveal exposed flesh. I'm putting a lot of attention on this and I'm exposing my breasts a lot. I'm admiring my body from all these angles. I look at the closed door and I'm afraid somebody is going to walk in and see what I'm doing.
I then find myself driving a big grey truck. I'm in Las Vegas in one of the clubs and I see SL playing. I don't see her on stage, but I'm aware it's her playing. Suddenly, these young girls in raver, club gear are exiting from the front, seemingly upset as if they're being forced to leave as they're displaced. She's playing a remix of a song I know and I'm dwelling on it for awhile.
I'm then in a bar lounge area after the concert. S and her friends are sitting next to me but not facing me. Her hair is nicely combed and she appears to be drunk. I stare intensely at her arm, noticing that she's gained weight. I'm wondering if she's opted for alcohol over drugs at this point in her career. I put my blue rimmed glasses on, figuring she will recognize me. I know I have an opportunity to speak with her and I'm trying to figure out my opening line, but I don't have the confidence, or motivation.
I then leave the place, passing by a group of people huddled around a slot machine in a cubby. I don't judge them.
It's still light outside. I see the big, grey truck. I'm noticing how large it is, almost large enough to live in. I am driving the truck out of the parking place. I don't know why I'm recklessly backing up and gunning it to to the parking kiosk because almost hit the right side of the area. I end up making a crazy laughing expression that I get to see from another angle. It surprises me when I see it played back for me because it's an unstable, maniacal laugh. I'm feeling like I'm embodying the quality of a tweaker on Meth on this dream, and I've wondered while looking at myself if I've actually done Meth. I'm mad at myself, thinking I'm too crazy to be in public, or to be famous or successful like this famous DJ I used to know personally...and I'm too unstable to succeed.
Conscious Concerns:
I am on a liver cleanse and purging a lot of old emotions. I'm concerned with how my body will react to this cleanse. I am also feeling sexually disconnected these days. I did attend a Death Cafe in a communal setting with shared food I couldn't really eat.
Initial Interpretation:
There's a part of me that is processing or hopefully purging the guilt for not pursuing my dreams, for giving up my DJ aspirations at the same time I was getting involved with my partner and behaving recklessly. There's a part of me that I actually admire, and needs to be expressed, but is remaining hidden and private, only reserved for the partner.
Key Words and Symbols:
Communal Space and Potluck: Shared, support, abundance
Envy: Lack, separate, craving.
Forgetting about the cleanse and eating mousse: Not doing the cleanse right. Accidental indulgence
Las Vegas Club: Grotequese, false, dangerous
Remix: Well played but done differently. (IMAGE POINT FOUR)
Raver girls: Displaced, quick change, upset
Side of Sarah Landry's head: Weight loss, fame, and magic (IMAGE POINT ONE)
Group of people: Non-judgement, huddle, communal.
Big grey truck: Acquired. Responsibility, self-determination, independence (IMAGE POINT TWO)
Recklessly driving: Can't trust self. Impulsive. Out of control.
Maniacal laughter: Instability, Tweaker, Anger (IMAGE POINT THREE)
New interpretation:
There are tensions between the version of myself I aspire to be and parts of me that I feel are too raw, too crazy and too wild to show. I'm skating through themes of female beauty, shame, comparison and creative identity and asking if I can accept all the parts of myself, even when I'm not perfect or feeling out of control. My intention is to reach a place of self-acceptance where the next phase of my growth involves integrating my sensual, chaotic and shadowy sides as essential parts of my wholeness.
Honoring the Dream:
Ask Green Tara for guidance and protection over female expression.
Attend a potluck and make something to share?
Ritualize a sensual photo shoot as a gesture of self love.
Create a despacho or reciprocity ritual.ortuga
mousse: mous
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